I’ve been thinking about bereavement and the impact it has on families my whole life. My middle brother, Amir, died of a rare childhood cancer at age 8. I was very, very young, but I knew there was something different about us. My mother kept my brother’s room locked. It was a weird, constant reminder that something had happened, this taboo topic that we really didn’t talk about. I wish I could have lessened the burden for my mother. Death is kind of like my brother’s door: always present, seen but never spoken of. I think we are a grief illiterate culture. Kids ask questions about mortality: ‘What happened to Mufasa in The Lion King?’ Parents say ‘Nothing.’ That shouldn’t be. We should understand that life is precious. For something that doesn’t skip any of us, nobody’s getting any death support — time-saving tools, streamlining workflows, all the good stuff we get in every other aspect of life. When someone dies, there are 540 hours of paperwork, and red tape to manage in the days, months, and sometimes years after. My friend and co-founder, Yonatan Bergman, and I wanted people to understand the cost of dying — not just the financials, but all of it. In late 2020 we started working on the company, called Empathy. We like to say that Empathy is the friend you wish you had when you lose a loved one. The knowledgeable, experienced friend who is helping you out with grief but who is also the Turbo Tax for estate administration. We raised $13 million in seed money and launched in May 2021. Empathy streamlines the logistics following loss, guiding families through all of these challenges and taking on some of the burden for them. We hired renowned grief expert, David Kessler, as our Chief Empathy officer is David Kessler. David worked with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, MD, and manages our emotional support team and care specialists. But it’s not just about emotional care. On average, the total financial cost of dying is $12,702, including the funeral and professional help. The funeral alone is $7,267. But that doesn’t take into account the productivity hit, the therapists or social workers you might hire. That doesn’t include the paperwork and lost time. Almost 80 percent of people use funds from their checking accounts to pay for a death. Most people know that caregiving is a big, unappreciated job, but caring and giving doesn’t stop after the loss. Being the executor is another job. We have people who are escorting their loved ones to hospice and want to start planning ahead. But the vast majority of our clients come to us in the first 48 hours after the loss. They’re not sure what can wait and what needs to be taken care of right away. They’re overwhelmed. We have a website and app and also offer a service that gives step-by-step instructions for everything you need to take care of, tailored to you, after losing a loved one. It doesn’t matter if you are Jewish or Muslim or Christin or any other religion. We understand that everyone has their own unique situation. You can test it for free, and then it’s $8.99 a month. Empathy has partnerships with companies in the funeral space, hospice space, and New York Life. You’ll find information on funeral arrangements, claiming benefits, taxes, probate, selling the house, self-care. Earlier this year, we published the Cost of Dying (PDF) report, in which we asked 2,000 U.S. families about how they dealt with the loss of a loved one. Almost 30 percent said they hadn’t done any estate planning. People don’t compare pricing, they don’t plan ahead, they don’t even do advance directives or a trust. Most people use their own funds, credit cards, or cashed in investments, to pay their expenses. People need to talk about death. They should understand death is a part of life. It’s not something to hide. Ignoring it doesn’t allow us to celebrate life as we are supposed to.
