I was having a phone conversation with my special someone the other day. She had been away for a couple weeks and while talking, she said to me, “I miss you.” I responded, “I miss you too!” After we hung up, I began to think about what it means to misssomeone. That feeling can tell you a lot about your relationship with that person and how important he or she is to your sense of self and your daily life. Two Types of MissingAt the risk of oversimplifying, I think there are basically two kinds of missing someone. There is the healthy kind in which your heart aches slightly and you feel a bit lost and lonely. On the other hand, there is an unhealthy kind of missing. Those who experience it suffer a deeper and more emotionally upsetting experience when separated from their significant other. They may experience severe emotional distress and find it a monumental struggle to get through the day. They may feel like a fish out of water; a plane without wings; a train without tracks; or a balloon without air. This kind of missing leaves one feeling paralyzed, frightened and alone. Of course, if someone is away and you don’t miss them at all, or you enjoy your life more, well, that certainly tells you something about the state of your relationship! Also, I suggest using old-fashioned pen and paper rather than a computer to make the process more personal. Some example questions might include:
What do I miss most about my partner?Where and when do I miss them the most?Why do I miss them so much?What can I learn from missing them?How can I use this “missing” to become a better partner?
Activities Can HelpAs an antidote, one of the best things that you can do is stay busy. Keep your schedule full by spending time with friends, taking a class or volunteering. The goal is to take action and do something to change your state of mind and focus. Below is a list I put together of 10 distraction strategies that you can do immediately when you start missing your partner:
Take a long walk or do some other exerciseTake a hot soothing bathRead an interesting book or magazineWrite in your personal journalCall a friend and strike up a conversationPlay a computer game or work on a puzzleStart that long-delayed home projectWatch a light movieInvite someone over for tea or coffeeDo some gardening
Taking action will definitely help ease the sting of missing that special person in your life. Instead of simply being a passive recipient of aching emotion, you can become an active dispenser of emotional relief. A Deeper Kind of MissingKeep in mind that the above type of missing is caused by a temporary separation – the absent partner will eventually return. The loneliness is a passive state with an end in sight. It’s totally different when the feeling of missing is from a more permanent separation like a divorce or the death of a loved one. That kind of missing delivers a different emotional package and daily reality. Strong emotions like shock, sadness, anger, guilt, fear or depression are common, and grief counseling is often needed. There’s also a holistic approach called “healing touch therapy” that addresses this kind of missing. Healing touch therapy uses gentle hand techniques to change the patient’s energy field and accelerate healing of the body and mind. It’s a bit out there, but effective for many people. Another way to counter the ache of permanent missing is to initiate this “relaxation response”:
- Take a deep breath.2. Count to five.3. Pause for one second.4. Breathe out slowly. 5. Repeat this process five times. So if you’re separated from that special someone today and your heart aches from missing them, just smile and know this: If they miss you as well, you are very rich indeed. And when you are with those you love, treat them like you miss them!Wishing You Great Health,Dr. John H. Sklare
