It’s why I’m wont to say, “We do what we do until we can’t do it, then we find something else.” But finding that something else can be difficult if the change is forced upon us by multiple sclerosis (MS).
A New Health Problem Has Me in Limbo
Coming up on the 19th anniversary of my MS diagnosis this spring, I have, perhaps, taken for granted the fact that I’ve been able to figure out that “something else” most of the time. A new health restraint, however, has set me back, and I’m struggling. Without going too far into detail, I’m fighting an ongoing infection that is going to need a few hours of surgery to correct. While deemed “urgent-elective” by the health system, it’s still an elective surgery. Couple that with the fact that the doctor who will be performing the operation is highly regarded (thus highly sought), and I am left to a strong course of antibiotics as I wait for my appointment. The medications are just about keeping pace with the infection, and I’ve been on them over a month now (plus the month of on-and-off courses as we fought the infection before knowing its cause). So you can imagine that I’m pretty rundown most of the time. Oh, and layer that on top of, you know, regular MS issues …
I Miss Being Able to Do Even Small Things
Please don’t take this as a “poor me” post. It’s just come to my realization that being slower than I’m used to, unable to get out of the house without someone coming to collect me, more fatigued than usual, and a bit loopy at times due to the occasional breakthrough fever, I’ve been unable to do even the small things that give me a sense of purpose and fulfillment in this life with MS. I suppose the important thing for me to remember is that this is temporary. Not as temporary as I’d like, being that it’s another month to wait for my presurgical consult (fingers are crossed for a cancellation in his appointment diary!), but temporary all the same. Also, in my desire to return to what my capabilities were before, I should know from my nearly two decades of living with MS that things don’t always return to baseline. While my current state may not be my new normal, what normal will look like after recovery might not be what normal was back in November when this all started. It’s a lot to think about when my mental prowess is addled by a left hook on top of MS’s constant barrage of right jabs.
My Purpose for Now Is to Stay as Healthy as Possible
In this case, I’ve come to realize that my purpose right now is to stay as healthy as possible so the professionals can do their work once the procedure can be scheduled. It might not seem like a lot — “stay healthy enough and strong enough” — but it’s what I’ve got to work with. It’ll be a good lesson to take with me post-recovery as well. When we have less to give back to society, and feel a bit burdensome, getting and keeping ourselves as well as possible may be more than just an end in itself. Perhaps that focus could be a means and part of our purpose as well. It’s sort of like how MS disease-modifying medications are currently only designed to slow down and stave off progression until a cure can be found. Getting and keeping ourselves mentally and physically as healthy as practicable can help us maintain an even keel. It can also give us a goal or two upon which to focus when we need it most. Wishing you and your family the best of health. Cheers, Trevis
