There is the “fine” as in “Sure, I’m grand” that’s the exact opposite of the passive-aggressive “(sigh, tsk) Fine …” of someone who is clearly not fine and is begging for attention — we know that a conversation is going to reveal that it’s somehow our fault that they are nowhere near fine. There is also the clipped “fine.” Whereas “(sigh, tsk) Fine …” beseeches our involvement, this curt reply is an invitation to just drop it already or face increased peril if we press for details. Sarah Smith, a journalist with the Houston Chronicle, recently added another “fine” to the response lexicon on her Twitter account: “Pandemic fine — noun — a state of being in which you are employed and healthy during a pandemic but you’re also tired and depressed and feel like trash all the time.” If any new phrase deserves addition into the vernacular of 2021, it’s “pandemic fine.”
Those of Us With Chronic Illness Already Know the Feeling
Those of us living with chronic illness know the feeling behind pandemic fine. It is to “fine” what “new normal” is to everyone else’s normal. It’s the kind of knowing answer we give to those who will get it — who are likely those who already have “it” (or something akin to our “it”). For me, “it” is multiple sclerosis (MS). The list of other conditions that cause people to become defined as patients or sufferers by the world around us, and which require us to acclimate to a new normal, is longer than those outside our chronic pale would probably imagine. And while we all “get on with the getting on” of our lives in spite of whatever these diseases throw up in our paths, there is nothing normal about a new normal. We are in a collective place of “survive rather than thrive.” We are all trying to get on as best we can in an era of rolling lockdowns, social distancing, vaccine waiting lists, dwindling savings, and rising death counts — an exhausting list that exhibits an inexhaustible ability to grow and cause harm. This is not a place any of us expected or planned to inhabit. But it’s our place for now, and we’re doing the best we can. If those outside our chronic illness community cared to think of it in empathic terms, they might just be glimpsing their world through our lens for a moment as they adjust to pandemic fine.
Some of Us Are Not ‘Fine’ at All
Of course, there are those who are not fine at all. In her definition of the new term, Ms. Smith calls out employment and health as being part of this new existence. Like the shifting sands beneath our feet as we endeavor to move forward on our individual paths of new normal, there are those who aren’t even pandemic fine. Record numbers of people rely on social welfare benefits and charitable offerings to simply survive. Stress, anxiety, and loneliness compound day after lonely day. Non-COVID-related healthcare is delayed as overcrowded hospitals and overextended medical staff teeter at the edge of breaking.
The Number of Deaths Is Anything but Fine
And there are the deaths. In our little town of fewer than 2,000 people, there has been at least one COVID-19 funeral every day (and as many as three in a single day) for more than a week. We line the street to respect the passing cortège and acknowledge the life passed. It is the only way — in these times of limited gatherings and restricted movement — to offer support to those grieving a loss. Surely, they are not even pandemic fine as they assess their personal tragedy and attempt to reassemble their shattered lives with so many pieces missing. No, there is nothing fine about pandemic fine, just as there is nothing normal about the new normal. We will live in these fractured realities and make the best of them that we can. How we live them will inform the lives we live after this pandemic … those fortunate enough to still be here, that is. Wishing you and your family the best of health. Cheers, Trevis
